the quiet and the movement and how it’s the same but different

It is difficult to explain, this mama and baby all-rolled-into-one thing…

How it is familiar, but different… like traveling the same road you traveled in the dark two years before, but this time it’s daylight…

And the things you didn’t know before, with the first, the things you could only sense but not identify or define, they are all out in the open this time, but not any less scary or unknown because, afterall, everything looks different in the daytime than it does at night…

And you know, somehow, this one is different. Same mama pregnant, but the life inside is different, not the one that now walks around in front of you…

And you’re different, too, but even though you thought that the difference in you would make it easier, all it really is… is… different. That’s all.

And of course all those “you”s I speak are really about me…

I tell my husband “this baby is quieter than Eli” … and a couple weeks later (at 13 weeks) the doctor can’t find the heartbeat on the doppler. We DID find it on the ultrasound {yes, everything is fine}. I didn’t know that literally, I’d be right, this one would be quiet. It wasn’t what I meant.

This baby… this baby moves gentle. Shifts and rolls, but no kicks yet. While Eli would push against his daddy’s hand on my belly {wanting his space? or showing off future soccer-ball-kicking skills?), this one, for now, seems to calm at it {and so do I}. Though I realize it is early yet…

And this baby is sixteen weeks along today. Which is exactly how far along Eli was when I wrote my first post about him :)


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